Monday, November 16

Monday November 16th... I'd Worry About Me...If I Knew What Was Going On......

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Have you ever wondered where the hell you were? Sometimes I just can't seem to realize myself in the present world, because I just don't feel a part of it. We spent the weekend with old, dear friends of Vicki's...had a great time laughing and talking. I was comfortable and focused upon their visit and entertaining them to ensure they had a great time relaxing and enjoying our home and farm. I'm sure they were comfortable and will return again to visit, dine and relax with us. Please Scott and Bonnie, if you read this...please understand that it in no way, has anything to do with your visit. In fact, you two are an example of what seems to be slowly dying out... family, friendship and maintaining a lasting relationship through out the passing years. Absolutely no one has any connection to this feeling I sometimes find myself trying to deal with. I'm PERFECTLY HAPPY with my life, my wife, my friends and what we all do, I just have times that I feel physically removed from any existence and feel as though I'm watching life through an old super 8 movie projector.
For instance, we are only ten days from Thanksgiving... who cares? We are only 35 days from Christmas...who cares? We will soon be into another new year...WHO CARES??? Soon it will be winter again...and who really cares? I really don't care about anything except Vick, family and the dogs... Time is nothing, nothing is anything important and I feel like it should be. I feel like I should be looking forward to everything that is coming...expecting to be there... among it, whatever it is and experience it, smiling and laughing with Vick at my side...but for the life of me, I just don't seem to look forward to anything and just roll with the daily if...whatever it will will be. Sometimes I think perhaps my cheese just might have slid off my cracker or something, because I have so much to be thankful for in my life. That isn't even close to the case anyway, because I am thankful for all I have and those that care about me. I appreciate everything God has given to both Vick and I, but again.........I feel about as real as a face on a picture postcard......
Some of the problem is in the realization that we are no longer children, teens or young adults. We've witnessed the passing of grandparents, aunts and uncles and even parents, making us... the remaining grandparent generation. It's not that we're just getting's actually the missing of those who have passed, leaving only us. Now we are the ones who will someday pass and should be missed...only some days, I don't really think the entire world, but for a few in it, will blink twice or shed a tear upon our passing.
Perhaps that is what really bothers family can just forget and move on, constantly dividing and dissolving, giving up all ties and reason to even look forward to holidays or events. Funny how it seems the ones in your families which want to maintain ties and a family relationships, are always a hundred miles or more apart... Never the ones close enough to spend the day together with only a short drive to get there... Sad are the ways of life... sadder yet, are the choices which we seem to make in our pursuit of happiness, the future and where we all end up...

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